Crazy thoughts on Brokenheartedness

What does it feel to be brokenhearted? Too painful, isn't it?

Now, why on earth am I writing about this. I'm not brokenhearted right now. Just a little anxious and weary.

But what are the different ways of getting a brokenheart?

[A normal person tends to count ways on how to avoid a brokenheart. I knew it! I'm really crazy. I just hope no one will read this blog. This should be called a crazy blog. My other blog served as my personal diary while this one became an outlet of my spontaneous crazy thoughts. Poor person who will spend his/her time reading this. I just can't imagine. Sigh!]

1. How does it feel to love someone who doesn't love you back?

--It's very stressful! I've felt it! Loving someone like this will make you look crazy and martyr in front of your friends. You will also look so desperate especially when you can't find the right reason to defend yourself. This type of love will also measure your patience and determination in such a way that you always but to give up but you can't. It's very crazy to think that I'm in such situation right now. I'm still thinking and going over those advices my brother and friends gave me. And sometimes, they all make sense to the point that I started accepting their point and giving up my inordinate notions. And the most painful thing here is that when your own friends tell you to quit instead of motivating you. They may say they just care but what hurts the most is that they don't understand you. Or maybe you're just bein foolish of the impossible idea that he'll love you back. Crazy, isn't it?

I suggest, you think of this very carefully. Don't just think twice or thrice but think in a million times. You won't know the end of this but you surely have the choice of how to end it. It's either you give up and move on or you will stick and suffer the consequences. Anyhow, you think.


2. How does it feel to be torn?

--There will also be times that you'll get torn by two people. And believe me, it's a very very very crazy time to think. It's like as if your world will go up side down, mooning over which to choose. This guy or this guy. Helpless.

But what I advice you to do is that forget the both of them and move on with your life. It's not worth thinking anyway. And you'll still find more of them. Focus on your studies and have a new hobby. Busy yourself with anything interesting just to forget them. Crazy indeed!


3. He loves you..You like him..Does that jive?

--A crazy situation! He loves you so much but you just like him. How is that possible? Of course it is possible. It's just that both of you weren't in one path. He was on this path and you were on that other path. He took the love path and you took the like path. Then how will you meet? Toinks!

In this situation, better talk to him seriously and say that you only like him. In that way, he won't misunderstood any of your action which will make your relationship better. Agree?


4. Just mutual understanding...

--This is one of the craziest situation ever! You both think you're in love but with no formal agreement. You meet each other, talk to each other, and even wink and blush. Oh no! But you can't be sure if what he's showing you is real or just a playful act. After all, you have no commitment or any formal agreement. You have no right of each other's business even though you have this mutual understanding. But it's just mutual. You share this common things you have and enjoy each other's company. In other words, friends with benefit...

Hmm..What I say is that just go on..But don't let yourself fall into the pit or you might end up in tears. Just go on with the flow but be sure to be within your boundary. And don't forget to watch out!


5. First love never dies...

--It's quite true especially when you come along with this situation. A first love will always be your first. Unforgettable. And can leave a deep scar of memory in you. Your first love will really stay in you. Because it was the first time you fell in love, the first time you cry and the first time you felt the stinging taste of love.

But behold! Don't let your first love stop you from loving again. You still have the second love, the third love and so on. Also, the true love is the most important one. Because it'll be the one. But not necessarily the last. Crazy of me! Haha.



[Sadly, I experienced all of these. Pretty weird for me because I never had a boyfriend but I experienced things that are more than a girl in a relationship should experience. I was even muttering to my classmate (Jessa), that my high school life is incomplete because I never had a boyfriend. But when she heard my love stories, she even exclaimed that mine was more than complete. Whoah!

Honestly, I'm still proud of being a member of the NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BIRTH SOCIETY. (wink!) And I'm very determined to keep it that way. To be single till the day I get married. Of course, to the man I that I will love in the future. Hopefully there's someone out there for me. But I don't fret. I still have many things to think about now.]


Hahaha..I wrote something longer today! An achievementt for me! I have overcome my laziness! =)

STUPIDITY

Issh!!..How can I be so stupid?!
My brother's right. I'm so stupid.
Still the careless stupid girl of 4 years ago.

Ughh! I hate this! How can I even fool myself?!

I'm really a loser when it comes to situation like this. Good at counseling other people but poor when counseling ones self. I hate it! Issh!

But when can I do? What's done is done. I need to keep up with it. Or shall I burst out? Here I go again. Careless stupid girl!

All I have to do is wait. Yeah. That's it. Be patient. Time will do everything. And believe in fate. It will be fate.

Pray also.

Sad

2 of the most loved persons in my life hurt me this month.

It hurts a lot.

I tried to cry but no tears would come.

Maybe my tears dried up a long time ago due to multiple pains.

Maybe I'm used to getting hurt.

It's okay.

It will all get better in time.

I hope so.

=((

Torn

I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. I might have been writing this in the diary but due to sever laziness, I'm doing it in this blog.

Well, what is my problem? Yeah. What's really my problem? Arggh! This TORN THING!!! I'm TORN. But I'm not exactly sure. Eeesshhh..

Arggghh..I don't like to mention this.

Regret

Lying here all alone in my bed
My instinct immediately started.
Thinking of those days I was with you
Going over it through and through.

I never thought I was that stupid
Thinking that I was hit by the arrow of Cupid.
I have loved you and gave everything you need
But you just caused this heart of mine to bleed.

We were fine from the very start
And thought that we will never be apart.
But something came up and you went away.
Suddent it had been, you left without a say.

My heart is now shattered and broken
And it will be difficult it put the pieces back again.
Regret, that is what I'm feeling now
And hoping for this pain to subside somehow.

Another day

Hmm...Yesterday, November 30, 2008....I can call it a day!

Me and my former classmates in elementary met and did some hang-out! It was really fun.

A few schoolmates came too.

We had that meeting for the purpose of deciding where should we held or reunion and the date also. We finally decided that we will have it at Ebenezer Beach, on Decemeber 21, 2008.

After the meeting, I took some pics of them and can be found in friendster.



Then after the meeting, me and some close friends went to the mall to have some fun. Along with me were Faiza, Elaine-jay, Radzmin, Bob and Jayson. We went to WOF (World of Fun) and decided to sing. Hmm...Jayson was a great singer!I enjoyed it alot though I was the one who paid for the tokens. Anyway, it's fine.

One thing I realized yesterday, whenever I am with my former classmates in elementary, I should go down low. It's because their behaviour and lifestyle is different from my current classmate which is the Batch 2k9. Whenever I am with my former classmate, I should be hmm..frugal..Coz they are very frugal..

hmm..Anyway, it was a good day~

It was really a "DAY"

November 29, 2008

First thing, we set up this date for us (me and my classmates) to watch the movie "Twilight". Then when we were at the mall already, Kathreena decided to cancel it since we were already late for the 2nd showing. And we blame the guys for the tardiness.

It did upset me but a sudden hope came when someone suggested that we can watch the third show at 5:30pm. Some classmates doubt it since the end of that third showing will be around 7:30 pm and that's pretty late for them. But in the end, we pursued our desire.

The movie was good. But not satisfying. I wonder why. Hmm.. Maybe because I was expecting much from it since it is one of the most anticipated and most-awaited movie.

Anyways, as we took our way in going home, some street girl was pulling the plastic I was carrying. She was asking for it or maybe if we can give even 2php to her. I thought of it as a very impolite pursuit. She was very demanding. And most of all, she was touching us. Not that I think of them as dirty, but it's very unlikely to feel some stranger's hand in your arms. Then because of the girl's pursuasion, I called out to Zain to ask some help in getting rid of that girl. But it seems that he went away and looking scared too. I was flabbergasted by his cowardice. He really is a coward! No denying. Good thing, Jash was there. It was an unexpected thing for someone like him whom I consider as a GAY. He protected us by hindering the path of the girl saying "NO MONEY". He also put his arm around me for protection. I really appreciated and admired his act. Though, I hadn't thanked him formally, but deep inside, I'm very grateful.

On my way home, I rode a van. About 200 meters from the parking lot, the van suddenly stopped. I wasn't aware why it stopped but the passengers around me started screaming and making their way out of it.I thought there was some kind of checkpoint or some raid or ambush. Then I started to panick also. Then I got up and made my way out also and while doing this, I saw some smoke coming out of the driver's seat. Then many thoughts provoked me. What if it was a bomb? I was scared at that moment. Really scared. I was even asking myself if that was my last moment. I was even asking Allah if my life will end at that moment. TERRIFYING.

When we were out of the vehicle, the driver said that it was just smoke coming out due to some grounded battery. Then he urged us to ride again but many passengers won't ride because of fear. But made my way back because I really need to get home. It was around 8pm already.

Now, I finally reached home. And there's no place like home. The safest place.